We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My dick has a subreddit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
