I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
