She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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