Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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