the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
