Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
