um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
