Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize