Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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