Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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