We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
