No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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