i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
