Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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