If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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