yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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