did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
