The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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