A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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