I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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