you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Randomize
