Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
