tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
