Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
