dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This baby is an asshole
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
