Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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