i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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