I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
