Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
