Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
