My brain says no but my pants say off.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
