Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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