What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
