Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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