Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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