I got chris browned last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
