you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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