You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
