So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
