My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
too bad you live with your parents still
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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