Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
