you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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