just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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