at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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