Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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