ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
from now on my penis is your penis
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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