I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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