I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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