just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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