I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
