How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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