Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your penis caused this!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
