i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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