I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
There's even glitter on my cock...
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