Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I deserve this hangover.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
