I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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