I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
